Dragons can take many forms. For me, personally, they take the shape of Anxiety and Self-Doubt. They sit on my shoulders and whisper into my ear that I’m not good enough. They reach down and pull from their hoard of memories just exactly the worst one for me to think about, and shove it inside my head.
If the movie Inside Out were real, Fear is sitting at the emotion console, trying to press the buttons.
Anxiety makes me worry about things I can’t do anything about. It squeezes my chest and makes it hard to breathe sometimes. To get rid of it, I try to ignore my fears – but when they come back they remind me that I was purposefully setting them aside, and that nothing has changed in my circumstances. Money is tight. Raising three kids is difficult. My relationships grow more strained, or distant.
Self-Doubt tells me that I’m just not good enough to overcome whatever it is that’s making me anxious. And the dragons circle around me like vultures, waiting to feast as I crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.
So hear this, Dragons. I’m going to keep moving forward, even when you grab my ankles and try to slow me down. I may fall short of my goals, but at least I am moving toward them.
When I’m in the Zone, it’s great. My brain feels like it’s fizzing with creative energy, the words come down easily to the page, and new projects start to form along the edges of my consciousness.
I’m not quite ‘in the fizz’ of the Creativity Zone right now, but it’s close. I have writing projects (Mutants:Uprising’s loyal readers are patiently waiting for their next update, while Fae Child’s first draft still demands most of my attention), and a sewing project…
I like to sew, though the muse for that sort of creativity comes and goes. My plan is to sew a dress for Rose City Comic Con (it’s on Saturday!) and hand out bookmarks for Fae Child which is taking preorders on Inkshares. So I have the fabric and the pattern…just need to cut it out and sew it, no big deal. D:
There are things that threaten the Zone. School has started for my kids, and as I homeschool them, that’s the whole morning gone. A worthwhile use of my time, of course, but still a drain on my time. Then there’s work – a part-time job eats up my evenings.
Crowdfunding, or whatever my flailing attempts at it could be called, takes up a good chunk as well. When I’m not tweeting, or facebooking, or emailing possible supporters for Fae Child, I’m trying to be active in the community on Inkshares. There are so many wonderful authors and projects that I would love to support, but budget restrictions mean I can only support most of them with reviews or recommendations. So I do my best!
I hope to be fully in the Creativity Zone, feeling the ‘fizz’ as it were, but until I’m there again, with quiet time to write, I’ll be flailing away as best I can. 😀